All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
