Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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