Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
