he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
