his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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