Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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