Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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