break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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