Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
