If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize