Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
