So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
birth control should be required to get into college
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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