Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
