I cockslap morals
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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