What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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