No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
