It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
