you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
