'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
