I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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