She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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