You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Swine flu is the new snow day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize