I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
