1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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