Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
