What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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