No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
