why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
