I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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