I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
