I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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