the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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