i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
