My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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