i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
