He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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