i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
