you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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