Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
