I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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