another moral hangover. fuck.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
