I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
