What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
