I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
