Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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