He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
