when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
