I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's Friday. Sex?
I faked an abortion last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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