dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
