Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
