My sheets look like a crime scene.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
