Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
