I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize