i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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