you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
