sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize