i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
