I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
