I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
