I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
