Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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