We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
