youre lurking in front of me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
