I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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