kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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