I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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