maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
