I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize