dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
