I don't think brook has ever known best
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Pants are for mortals
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
